Childhood cancer warrior

As the weather in Los Angeles shifts the past few days from sun drenched skies to dense marine layers by the beach, the arthritis kicked in, sending patches of deep aches and headaches into my right side. It is a familiar painful reminder. Bringing me back to my first memories of Sarcoma...24 years ago this Fall. The symptoms of my Sarcoma was just beginning to reveal itself for the first time, sharp pains from my humerus.

I've learned to live with the chronic pain and migraines over the years. Earlier this week, as I was having coffee with a new friend, I caught glimpses taken of right arm, then looking away. This too is familiar to me. He finally asked and I shared my memories of Sarcoma. I celebrate that I shared from a place of having journeyed through to the other side, as a warrior vs. a survivor.

Sometimes, when we experience a loss so deeply, we begin associating our identity with that loss. Over time, it becomes our identity by which we are living our lives. Cancer survivor, abused child, widower, divorcee, etc. We end up feeling less than whole, wounded, different, because of the loss we have experienced. Others who have not gone through our pain possibly cannot understand. We begin to wear our loss like a mask, to protect us from the hurt and pain we are feeling. It helps create a protective layer around our grief, keeping others out. Sometimes, we feel there is nothing anyone can say, do, share, lift the pain we might be feeling. From my own personal experience, I am here to tell you that my journey to healing began when I let go of my identity as a cancer survivor who was all alone.

I say to my clients. You are your own Christopher Columbus, navigating through uncharted territories. You can create your own journey through the pain and sail to the other side. I will help you get there.

For me, that has meant working on my larger goal of creating a retreat center for grieving. I've spent the past month getting clarity on my purpose in my grief coaching, further clarifying my mission, vision and re-branding my voice. The website is finally complete. (http://www.makingpeacewithyourgrief.com) Workshops dates have been finalized, curriculum in mid-stream of being finalized. I am inspired to take some of the programs I've written on the road to hospitals with Pediatric Oncology programs.


I find that I am in a space of neutrality that humbles, surprises and makes me proud of who I have become. It is not something they teach in Grief Recovery School. It is not written in lessons and exercises found in books. It has been in working with clients this month, that I've become more aware of my own strength and my compassion in holding a space for those with cancer and chronic illness.

I am a childhood cancer survivor, and yes, I have waged my own journey in living with chronic illness as a result of having had cancer. I am here to walk alongside my clients. And inspire them to stretch. To stretch when they feel most uncomfortable emotionally and spiritually. To trust and vision for the outcome, I share with them my philosophy of grief coaching as a collaborative, empowering, equal partnership where I am your expert “companion” on your journey through grief. As a client, the ones who gain the most value from working with me are those who are committed to healing their pain, can visualize the life they would like to have, even if they may be scared, am ready to take the next step forward, and are willing and able to invest the resources necessary to do so. I am your cancer warrior, advocate, hear me roar! Let me assist you in navigating the murky waters of cancer and lift you up.

September is Childhood Cancer Month. Donate, volunteer your time, help cancer research.
http://www.curesarcoma.org/
http://www.curesearch.org/for_community/index_sub.aspx?id=3509
http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD

A different kind of grief

There are many types of losses listed in the grief index. Divorce, losing a spouse, moving, losing a child, losing a job... etc.
What if the loss involves something that was never quite yours to begin with? Beginnings of relationships are often full of surprises, both good and bad. Today, I experienced a betrayal from a new relationship that left me blind-sided. It had been six weeks since each of us had dove into this new mystery of the unknown. It was emotional, deeply spiritual, heart-felt yet complicated as there was untangling from a previous relationship for my friend. As a grief and spiritual counselor, I like to think I am intuitive and have a heightened sense of awareness when in companionship with my clients, the bereaved. How then, did my own internal compass go astray in relationships of the heart? How do I course correct when someone acts out of integrity? Loving kindness and compassion comes to mind from the part of the counselor. Old stories emerge from the inner child. Grateful to have the knowledge while the grief is never over, it will someday be integrated.

Tonight, I am contemplative as I re-wind my own journey, through the winding roads of relationships past and present. I find myself grief, for something not yet built, yet, still a loss, given promises and exchanges of words of what may be, then taken back. It's beautiful that I can reach into my bag of tools tonight, and switch seats as I turn from being the driver, to the passenger, to be a companion along my dark side of my shadow. I am grieving my loss, peeling away the layers once more. Only now, the layers are thinner and more translucent than they were years ago. I have no regrets, which brings comfort and solace. Only hope, as my heart remains open, and vulnerable to receiving. I remember to tell myself that I am only human, and this too shall pass in the near future, to be integrated into yet another piece of the puzzle I call my life, and my life's work.

Moving through grief and using loss to help others

I just finished reading about Molly Jackson's story about losing her daughter Lucy, and her inspired action to create "Good Grief" a company that is creating a fund to help those less fortunate who may be in need of a headstone during a time of loss.

Her story brought tears to my eyes. Moving through heartbreaking grief and using her loss to help others. I wonder, how many of us are out there? How can we harness the energy of the collective in bringing information to a place where someone can get help after a loss of a child, like a directory with listings of goods and services, and information for the bereaved.

Imagine a place you can come to and request a prayer for your loved ones, listen to a guided meditation, receive counseling, reach a forum of individuals who have gone through what you have and reach out to them, peer to peer. The same thing if you have had a certain type of cancer. I wished that Team Sarcoma had existed 23 years ago when I was sick. I wished that when Kayman was having seizures, I had someone to talk with who had gone through the same thing.

I am not sure how this will unfold. With god's grace, and small steps to take ideas into fruition.
A directory of grief support, to assist moving those grieving to the other side. More later after coaching calls this afternoon.

Blessings,
Claire

Self-love while grieving

I was following the thread on FB just earlier this afternoon..." Just being in a good relationship is an ultimate servcie to the planet. - Marianne Williamson. then added "Being in a good relationship with ONESELF is a service to the planet...it is from this authentic place of self-love that we can truly serve."

When you are grieving, it can be hard to create a sense of normalcy amidst the waves of emotions. When possible, any small gifts of loving kindness towards yourself can go a long way.

Here is a short list that come to mind in being your own companion in grief...

-buy yourself some flowers
-listen to soothing music
-meditate for 5 minutes
-take a bath
-go for a walk
-give yourself permission to have a good cry
-give yourself a hug

and if possible....open your heart to feel whatever your feelings may be at this time.

The gift of grief 23 years later....

I have been part of The Team Sarcoma Initiative on FB for several weeks now, an initiative to raise awareness surrounding sarcoma. Sarcoma is a cancer of the connective tissues, such as nerves, muscles, cartilage, joints, bone, or blood vessels. About 1% of all adult cancers are sarcomas. Often, it is misdiagnosed and sometimes they are thought to be sport injuries. Many times, by the time of diagnosis, it has already metastasized. Reading the posts of those have battled and won, those who have lost has awakened a part of me this week to that young adult part of myself. The one who was 19, battling with stage 4 ewings sarcoma. I feel like part of her that has been dormant for so long is ready to speak and share more about her experience, if she can make a difference.

My thoughts around grief touches me on a personal level today. My thoughts are with someone who is beginning their transition from this earthly plane, after a sudden onset of cancer found only some weeks earlier. Last night, heard from a dear friend who suddenly lost a loved one to suicide, and news of another last week. This is my work, and in my own backyard.

I am humbled today, gratitude for the many blessings in my life.

Trust, acceptance, and receive, not to sweat the small stuff

Literally. As Kristine's husband Richard was the best selling author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series. Together, they had all the comforts of the American Dream. But on December 13, 2006, on a descent into JFK, an embolism took Richard's life suddenly, and he was gone.

For Kristine, it was the beginning of a journey through the depths of grief and mourning that would reveal to her true strength and in losing the love of her life-she gained her self. In an interview with Diana Page Jordan, she said he never woke up. She had to. Thank you Diana for posting this on FB.

"Heartbroken Open" is an inspiring journey of a wife, a mother, a woman forced to come face-to-face with fear, pain, and the sudden loss of a loved one. In her time of crisis, her emerged through grief to not only heal, but provide immeasurably inspiration for many.

Being an insider and outsider through the pain of loss

Being introduced to Alan Wolfelt's concept of companionship to bereavement has changed the way I coach, counsel, be present with those who are grieving. I had the magnificent gift of visiting someone who was in the midst of her transition yesterday. I held a space as family streamed in and out of the room. I was able to witness the raw emotions of pain and loss without attachment. Through conversations with family members, I was gifted with different life-remembering experiences of her as a child, an adult, a parent, a grandparent. The openness, strength of heart of these stories was part of a great healing. At the end of my stay, I felt like I had an insider point of view while remaining on the outside. It was beautiful really. Today, I affirm my loving to the world. I am grateful to be on this path of work. Sometimes, when I think I ought to be farther along, doing more, moments like these remind me to take a breathe and just come into the present, to feel the life force of spirit and be in awe, again of the fragility of these glimpses of passing through from one portal into the next.

Feeling called, how to add grief community posts

Am trying to figure out how to configure this for others to contribute to this blog....I would like this to be a community forum for those communicating their loss. Does anyone have suggestions of other blog softwares I can utlilize?

Hospice visit today

Perfect day to start this blog after yet another heart-filled visit with a client. Am full of gratitude for ways in which god's grace continues to show up in my life. I was there to be of service, and yet, I had the familiar feeling of receiving much more in return as I walked to my car. It is my intention to use this medium to journal, put digital pen to paper a stream of consciousness of my journey in serving the bereaved. 2010 has been a year of great healing, as I fine-tune my focus on perinatal loss and pediatric oncology grief support.

Earlier this week, I returned home after a blissful vacation to Kauai to be a part of a tele-class with Stephanie Dawn, visionary of Sacred Birth work. I was a bit nervous at first, as I was running on Hawaii time but once the class began, spirits words poured out of me like a river and before I knew it, 45 minutes had gone by! This and the feedback from the past few weeks in speaking to different organizations and individuals about perinatal loss birthed a beautiful opportunity. In following my soul's purpose, I invite you to join me in a 4 week training tele-course beginning September 13th designed for birth professionals seeking to deepen their understanding of bereavement surrounding Perinatal Loss.

In this special 4-week 90 minute class, we will cover the following topics:
-Postpartum care in providing mourning support
-Effects of grief, uniqueness of grief among family members
-Memory making: support, integration to life when there is “no baby”
-Implementing a care plan and support for the family

My heart is wide open today! I am full of LOVE and gratitude in knowing I have the other "half" of my life to serve!!!
Blessings,
Claire