Childhood cancer warrior

As the weather in Los Angeles shifts the past few days from sun drenched skies to dense marine layers by the beach, the arthritis kicked in, sending patches of deep aches and headaches into my right side. It is a familiar painful reminder. Bringing me back to my first memories of Sarcoma...24 years ago this Fall. The symptoms of my Sarcoma was just beginning to reveal itself for the first time, sharp pains from my humerus.

I've learned to live with the chronic pain and migraines over the years. Earlier this week, as I was having coffee with a new friend, I caught glimpses taken of right arm, then looking away. This too is familiar to me. He finally asked and I shared my memories of Sarcoma. I celebrate that I shared from a place of having journeyed through to the other side, as a warrior vs. a survivor.

Sometimes, when we experience a loss so deeply, we begin associating our identity with that loss. Over time, it becomes our identity by which we are living our lives. Cancer survivor, abused child, widower, divorcee, etc. We end up feeling less than whole, wounded, different, because of the loss we have experienced. Others who have not gone through our pain possibly cannot understand. We begin to wear our loss like a mask, to protect us from the hurt and pain we are feeling. It helps create a protective layer around our grief, keeping others out. Sometimes, we feel there is nothing anyone can say, do, share, lift the pain we might be feeling. From my own personal experience, I am here to tell you that my journey to healing began when I let go of my identity as a cancer survivor who was all alone.

I say to my clients. You are your own Christopher Columbus, navigating through uncharted territories. You can create your own journey through the pain and sail to the other side. I will help you get there.

For me, that has meant working on my larger goal of creating a retreat center for grieving. I've spent the past month getting clarity on my purpose in my grief coaching, further clarifying my mission, vision and re-branding my voice. The website is finally complete. (http://www.makingpeacewithyourgrief.com) Workshops dates have been finalized, curriculum in mid-stream of being finalized. I am inspired to take some of the programs I've written on the road to hospitals with Pediatric Oncology programs.


I find that I am in a space of neutrality that humbles, surprises and makes me proud of who I have become. It is not something they teach in Grief Recovery School. It is not written in lessons and exercises found in books. It has been in working with clients this month, that I've become more aware of my own strength and my compassion in holding a space for those with cancer and chronic illness.

I am a childhood cancer survivor, and yes, I have waged my own journey in living with chronic illness as a result of having had cancer. I am here to walk alongside my clients. And inspire them to stretch. To stretch when they feel most uncomfortable emotionally and spiritually. To trust and vision for the outcome, I share with them my philosophy of grief coaching as a collaborative, empowering, equal partnership where I am your expert “companion” on your journey through grief. As a client, the ones who gain the most value from working with me are those who are committed to healing their pain, can visualize the life they would like to have, even if they may be scared, am ready to take the next step forward, and are willing and able to invest the resources necessary to do so. I am your cancer warrior, advocate, hear me roar! Let me assist you in navigating the murky waters of cancer and lift you up.

September is Childhood Cancer Month. Donate, volunteer your time, help cancer research.
http://www.curesarcoma.org/
http://www.curesearch.org/for_community/index_sub.aspx?id=3509
http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD